This is a new thing I'm going to try out, so let me know what you think...
I've had several people PM me and ask me for help on writing, so I decided to post "lessons" in the forums, I hope they help those of you looking to get started, or even us old salty's who just want to improve. All of the info contained herein is based off my personal experience, it's not from any book on writing (though I guess it could wind up being one... lol) so if you don't agree, that's fine. In fact many of you could most likely teach me a lot. I learned a great deal about writing from Lonewolf_fanwriter. Among others I also read some of the old greats of Balto Fanfiction. Cyberwolf (whose fics are not on this site) and Jason Wolfman (you simply MUST read his stories about his character Band). Jason Wolfman was definitely instrumental in developing my villains to a better degree, as I think Band was the best villian I've ever seen in a Balto Fic. ...and I learn new things each day. My only hope is that I can take these and help others to learn the same thing. Baltosource is a community, in particular to me, a community of writers. There isn't any competition to be the best. We should all grow together, and this is what I hope to accomplish... well, without further adiu, here's lesson #1 Scene.
(*If you would like to read Jason Wolfman's or Cyberwolf's stories go to
http://www.google.com and type in their names. I'm sure you'll find them.*)
LESSON #1 SCENE
I've found that the better you describe things, the better it is for the reader. You can take description to a huge level... consider the following sentence.
Aleu sat on a rock watching her children play in the water below.
This sentence provides the reader with a bit of information, but it's short. An entire story of scenes like this could be informataive, and could form a story, but it may wind up being somewhat boring for the reader, not to mention extremely short. When a reader is reading he is looking to answer five questions that provide information to him/her and paint the picture in their mind that much better. The questions are Who? Where? What? When? and How? (by the way, if these questions seem familar... yes, you have heard them in School... never thought you'd use that junk huh? lol) Let's see what can happen when we add a bit more description to the scene...
The sun was low in the sky as Aleu, sat on a rock, watching her children play in the water below.
This sentence now describes the scene a bit more by answering the question "when" much more fully than before. Before the reader only knew that Aleu was sitting on a rock watching her children play in the water, which was below her position. They knew nothing of the time of day. Now they know that it is late in the day, from the words "the sun was low in the sky". Let's add a bit more information, this time we'll attempt to answer the question "where?" that much better.
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon Aleu, sitting on a rock, watching her children play in the clear pool of water below.
Now the reader knows a bit more about where. The reader can discern from the information of the "shadows from the surrounding trees" that Aleu is in the forest. Also we've given them the information that the children are in a "clear pool of water" so any thoughts they might have had of rushing rapids, rivers or the ocean (which are also water) are taken care of. Let's see if we can answer the question "Who?" next. The reader already knows that it is Aleu, but the reader may not be a Balto fan yet, so we might need to describe Aleu a bit better the first time she pops up in our story.
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon a dark gray wolf sitting on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they played in the clear pool of water below.
Now we've set up the question "who?" by describing Aleu as "a gray wolf" and common sense says that if she's the pups' mother that they are wolves as well. We also provided names to the children to define them more fully.
So we've answered the questions "When?", "Where?", and "Who?" so far, now we have two more questions to answer. The question "What?" was answered fully in the first sentance, Aleu is sitting, and her children are playing, so we don't need to address that any further, however, we can enhance the answer to the question "What?" by answering the final question, "How?" Let's try this.
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon a dark gray wolf sitting calmly on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they romped and wrestled in the clear pool of water just below.
Now, this time we added two things; the addition of the word "calmly" implies that there is no immediate danger and our reader's minds can rest at ease (sometimes this can be the best time to insert something dangerous, an attack or something as the reader in not expecting something of that sort in a scene like this. However this effect should be used sparringly, otherwise everytime that things are calm in your stories the reader will know that something is going to happen, and the effect will be lost.) We also took out the word played, and inserted "romped and wrestled" this gives the reader's a more detailed explanation of exactly how they are playing. Now, this is a decent set up for a scene, but I like to take the scene a bit further...
I'm going to teach you next how I like to set up a scene. I like to set up the scene away from the character and use something within the scene (called a static object) to bring the character into focus. If you look at movies, you will see this. Very rarely does the movie start with a close up of the main character, take "Star Wars" for example. Star wars starts out with the famous rolling text, then it focuses on a space battle between a Star Destroyer and a Tative IV space crusier. Only then does the veiw point switch to our main characters.. I like to do the same thing. Let's try this now. (Remember, since you're using a static object away from your main character's, you have a second scene to set up, so go into detail about the setting before introducing your static object.)
The clouds were gray and whispy. The wind blew and and a single snowflake drifted down from the sky, a sign of the storm that was to follow. The snowflake fluttered down, drifting here and there, as if indifferent to it's final resting place. The snowflake fell toward the ground and eventually came to rest on the nose of a dark gray wolf.
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon a wolf, who was sitting calmly on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they romped a wrestled in the clear pool of water just below her."
Now we have a scene, we've set up the scene so that the reader has a clear answer to the five questions the first sentance posed, "Who?", "Where?", "What?", "Why", "Where?" and "How?". We've also set up the scene so that the reader has a clear picture of the setting and actions of our characters. Now that the scene has been set up this way we can move on and insert dialog and/or the character's thoughts and further actions within the scene. Here's an Example.
The clouds were gray and whispy. The wind blew and and a single snowflake drifted down from the sky, a sign of the storm that was to follow. The snowflake fluttered down, drifting here and there, as if indifferent to it's final resting place. The snowflake fell toward the ground and eventually came to rest on the nose of a dark gray wolf.
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon the wolf, who was sitting calmly on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they romped and wrestled in the clear pool of water just below her.
Aleu looked up at the distant clouds and saw another snowflake floating to the ground.
"We’re going to have to head back soon." She thought. "...this storm could get bad quick..."
Aleu looked down at the pups playing in the water.
"...but I’ll let them play a little longer." She thought. "They’re having fun and it’s not often they get to enjoy themselves like this."
Aleu laid down, taking this rare opportunity to rest, but she kept a careful eye on the sky, watching for signs of danger from the storm.
Now our scene is set up well. If this was the first scene in a story our readers now know that an impending storm is approaching and that this storm will probably be used later in the story. We have answered our reader’s questions and provided some information to support a further involvement of the storm. Consider this as the next scene...
Aleu struggled through the worsening storm, mindful of her two young children following her. The snow was blinding her, and had she not known the way back to the cave as well as she did, she may not have been able to find it.
"...maybe we shouldn’t have stayed at the pond back there so long." She thought
...but there was no time to second guess herself. Her children depended on her to get them home, and get them home she would.
Aleu put her head down against the wind and continued her slow journey home.
If this is the way we were heading with the story, and we had used our first sentence to set up the first scene our reader’s would now be asking questions that it is too late to answer, such as:
Where did the storm come from?, What happened at the lake?, and Who is Aleu?
At least our reader’s will be dissapointed, and at worst they might stop reading the story all together due to poor planning and writing on our part. (If you've done this, it does NOT mean you're a bad writer. It's a phase we all go through. I didn't post my first stories on the interent (they weren't balto) and I can assure you that I had plenty of sentence long scenes in my early work. The more you write, the better you will get at it!)
As a writer you have to be careful of assuming information is known or can be figured out by your reader. As the writer you obviously know what the scene looks like that you have painted in your mind, however the reader can’t read your mind, only the story, so be sure to include as much information to paint the picture that you see. That way the reader sees everything the same way and does not question your work.
You will also notice that I started a new line and used italics several times in the scene we built. Take a look at the scene and follow up without returns or italics.
The clouds were gray and whispy. The wind blew and and a single snowflake drifted down from the sky, a sign of the storm that was to follow. The snowflake fluttered down, drifting here and there, as if indifferent to it's final resting place. The snowflake fell toward the ground and eventually came to rest on the nose of a dark gray wolf. The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon the wolf, who was sitting calmly on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they romped a wrestled in the clear pool of water just below her.Aleu looked up at the distant clouds and saw another snowflake floating to the ground.
"We’re going to have to head back soon." She thought. "...this storm could get bad quick..." Aleu looked down at the pups playing in the water. "...but I’ll let them play a little longer." She thought. "They’re having fun and it’s not often they get to enjoy themselves like this." Aleu laid down, taking this rare opportunity to rest, but she kept a careful eye on the sky, watching for signs of danger from the storm.
"Aleu struggled through the worsening storm, midful of her two young children following her. The snow was blinding her, and had she not known the way back to the cave as well as she did, she may not have been able to find it. "...maybe we shouldn’t have stayed at the pond back there so long." She thought ...but there was no time to second guess herself. Her children depended on her to get them home, and get them home she would. Aleu put her head down against the wind and continued her slow journey home."
Though this massive paragraph presents the same information, it is very confusing and hard for the reader to decipher. The reader wants to sit down and read a good story, not try to figure out what the writer is trying to say. It’s our job to tell them what we are trying to say.
Always start a new line when a character speaks or thinks, also start a new line anytime action that is not in the immiediate view of the reader’s veiw of the actions. For example, if you’re talking about Aleu and suddenly one of the pups starts to drown you would place this new information on a new line. Also, always indent your new lines, this makes them easier to follow and is just grammatically correct.
I also denote thoughts with italics to make them easy to recognise becuase they are a big part of my stories. Now that you’ve seen the cluttered mess that can result from not using new lines and italics let’s analyze the scenes as they were before, as we do this, I’ll explain each reason for the line change in parenthesis (like this). The only time I use italics is for character’s thoughts.
The clouds were gray and whispy. The wind blew and and a single snowflake drifted down from the sky, a sign of the storm that was to follow. The snowflake fluttered down, drifting here and there, as if indifferent to it's final resting place. The snowflake fell toward the ground and eventually came to rest on the nose of a dark gray wolf.
(Here we have switched subjects from the sky to the wolf, so there is a new line inserted)
The sun was low in the sky, and the shadows from the surrounding trees fell upon the wolf, who was sitting calmly on a rock. She was watching two small pups, Luke and Lima. Aleu kept a careful eye on her children as they romped a wrestled in the clear pool of water just below her.
(This is a character’s action which is out of the reader’s veiw, the veiw having shifted from Aleu to her children playing in the water so we start a new line)
Aleu looked up at the distant clouds and saw another snowflake floating to the ground.
(A character’s thoughts or speech also warrant a new line)
"We’re going to have to head back soon." She thought. "...this storm could get bad quick..."
(Character’s action after thoughts or speech warrants a new line as well)
Aleu looked down at the pups playing in the water.Aleu looked down at the pups playing in the water.
(back to the character’s thoughts, so a new line is inserted)
"...but I’ll let them play a little longer." She thought. "They’re having fun and it’s not often they get to enjoy themselves like this."
(Action after thoughts again)
Aleu laid down, taking this rare opportunity to rest, but she kept a careful eye on the sky, watching for signs of danger from the storm.Aleu laid down, taking this rare opportunity to rest, but she kept a careful eye on the sky, watching for signs of danger from the storm.
(The only time you want a blank line between your test is when the scene changes completely. In this example Aleu’s location (the scene) has changed from the pond to a walking through a snow storm)
Aleu struggled through the worsening storm, mindful of her two young children following her. The snow was blinding her, and had she not known the way back to the cave as well as she did, she may not have been able to find it.
(Thoughts after action again)
"...maybe we shouldn’t have stayed at the pond back there so long." She thought
(Now this is a little bit different, here we’re not really describing the scene so much as the narrator of the story (you the writer) is providing information to the reader that the character herself is unable of providing. This is called a narrative. A narrative also warrants a new line).
...but there was no time to second guess herself. Her children depended on her to get them home, and get them home she would.
(Any information after a narrative warrants a new line)
Aleu put her head down against the wind and continued her slow journey home.
Using this method makes it much more easier for your readers to understand the story, and wil make it more enjoyable. Instead of having to wade through the writer’s lack of spacing, and wondering who is talking or what is happening, the reader can do what they’re supposed to do, which is read the story we have written and guess what happens next.
You may also notice that I included this, ... , sometimes in the story. The reason I do this is to convey incomplete sentances in dialogue, or hesitation. It makes the reader slow down for a moment. consider this example.
"Um, yeah, I’ll go with you, sure." The dog said uneasily.
The word "uneasily" conveys hesitation, but the reader doesn’t see this until the last word in the sentance, which means it is too late to convey that hesitation in their minds. Now, look at what happens when we put in ...
"Um... yeah... I’ll go with you... sure." The dog said uneasily.
This looks like the character can’t decide what to say, or doesn’t want to say it. THis conveys hesitation in speech much better. You can also use ... to great effect in wounded or dying characters that are having trouble speaking such as in this example.
"You... you take... take care of... of your sis... sister ... you hear me boy?" The dog said, pain reflected in his brown eyes.
It just causes the reader to pause a bit between words, even in the middle of the word sometimes, as with "sister" in the example above.
In dialogue we must remember that though grammar is VERY importent to good writing, few people speak in correct grammar. If you wish to have your character speak in incomplete sentances, use ... as in this example.
"...but mom!" the dog cried.
"but mom" is not a sentence, but with ... it becomes acceptable in the writer’s grammar. You can even use this as the narrator, as in this example.
"I could just give up..." Aleu thought.
...but in her heart she knew she wouldn’t, Aleu just wasn’t the type to give up.
Well, that's it for lesson #1. I hope to have #2 up soon, it will deal with Point of Veiw (PoV) and voice.
I hope this has been a help to my fellow writers. My hope is that this might help all those writers that are just wading into the hobby. I’m always glad to be of help.
The best thing you can do to become a great writer is... write. Even if you think it sucks, just write, you will get better. In writing practice really does make perfect.
Have a GREAT day, and whatever happens, never give up, write, write, WRITE!
God bless...
- RTW
