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Natty took her team into the lead as they hit the curve.

OOC::// Not trying to be annoying but this RP needs some work. If you put a well written plot, put a little bit more detail in the rules, and put a bio forum for the members to fill out, this would be pretty good. Also, there is a limit to how many lines to write. There should be at least 2 lines of writing, no one liners. If you want proof I can quote it right out of the site rules. If you need some help with a plot, I could at least help make it decent. You can PM me about it if you want to, bye. ((Also, if you make this really good and really well written, I'll join))

What do you think about this?

Dinae ran even faster and stronger, he knew he had to win the race at any cost, Dara, his beloved mate, was waiting him at home, Every time he goes to a race, he promise himself, ''if i don't return to her side with the winner's medal, i wouldn't return anymore''.
-It's for her! He said in his mind as he accelerated lefting behind his opponents, but soon his teammates were worried.
-Din! Slow down boy! -yelled Comet from behind- It's a long race! if you burn all your strenghts now, you will tire very soon!.
But he wasn't listening, indeed, Comet's words turned into reality.

Hmm. That's okay but what about:
----
Dinea felt his adrenalin pump faster, pushing him forward with long strides. Snow around him kicking up. Dinea thought of his beautiful mistress, waiting at home for his safe return. Dinea smiled mentally, knowing she would want him to do well in the race. His words fought their way into his head, reminding him, 'If you don't return to her victorious, don't return at all.' Dinea's thoughts clouded and made it a little hard to think. Dinea shook his head, taking a deep breath, "For her I shall be victorious!" He exclaimed and pushed himself a little harder. Abruptly, a strained voice behind him called, "It's a long race Din! Start out to fast you'll have nothing to finish with!" Dinea ignored Comet, keeping his pace. But, it was to come true. Very soon.





That isn't acceptable at all, 2 or more lines is the limit. It should be more like:

Natty kept close to the curve, pushing off with her back paws. Her team began to take the lead, snow behind them kicking up and onto the lead dog on the other team. Natty smiled, triumph against her opponent. Natty kept a steady pace, breathing in through her nose and out of her mouth. Making sure not to over exert herself. Natty's heart began to race as she felt more of a gap between her team and the other team. Natty's competitive side began to show as she slacked off and picked up, just to tease the other team. She laughed, snow hitting her fur as she picked up her speed. She ran and ran, leading her team nearer and nearer to their awaited victory.

It's good, but his name's Din-a-e

OOC::// Yeah, I looked at his name 4 times and still forgot to edit. XP

The rp is puased until july first

Would it be okay if I could join? I have a character that I'm dying to use...

Here is my bio if I can join the RP.

Name:Snowflake
Gender:Female
Mate:None
Puppies:None
Team:Team 1
Rank:Wheel dog 1
Breed:Siberian husky
Personality:Snowflake is a pretty female Siberian husky.Her fur was dyed blue.She is very friendly,competitive and protective when it comes to danger.

This Topic has been dead for over a year now.