Three Baboons and a Monkey
Ebon was relaxing in the shade of a beautiful palm tree.
His mate Gantua stood looking at the tree's drupes (which are commonly known as coconuts).
'Ganeeeeeee,' said Ebon, with eyes narrowed.
'Umm...Yes?' said Gantua, still gazing dreamily at the coconuts.
'What,' returned Ebon, 'are coconuts doing, growing on this sort of palm tree?'
'How do you mean?'
'A coconut grows on a coconut palm tree, the Cocos nuciferas,' explained Ebon, 'However, this tree is a Phoenix dactylifera ... a date palm!'
'Well, whatever palm it is, those coconuts sure look tasty!' squealed Gantua, her eyes beginning to pop out.
'Tasty shmasty!' exclaimed Ebon. 'It's downright unnatural!' He got up and faced the palm tree's trunk, staring at it.
'Hello,' he smiled, 'Mr Tree.'
Shinnng!
With a sound like a sword being unsheathed, out came Ebon's claws; they began roaring like chainsaws, and he lifted them to strike!
'No-o-o-o-o-o-o!' Gantua screamed.
She ran to Ebon in total slow motion.
She pushed Ebon's paw away and hugged the palm trunk.
The strength of his mate's shove, combined with the power of his roaring chainsaw claws, threw Ebon a clean kilometre away.
Ten minutes later, he tottered back, covered in feathers and mud.
'Ha! Ha! Hahahaha!' Gantua laughed, dancing in a barbarous way. She cackled with true glee. 'Ebi is muddy! Ebi is muddy!'
'I landed on an ostrich,' said Ebon, sitting down and lifting his nose haughtily. 'Which was taking a drink at a muddy waterhole.' Then, to regain peace with his dear wife, Ebon plucked off an ostrich feather that had got stuck to his back, and presented it to Gantua.
'An expensive feather, my love,' he purred, with a graceful bow.
'Oh,' said Gantua, taking the feather. She felt really awkward.
'Oh,' Gantua said again.
'N-a-www,' grinned Ebon, tipping his head. 'Ganny's almost speechless. That's so cu-u-u-u-te.'
'Ooooh, Ebon, that is cheeky. Now everyone knows.' Gantua's eyes widened in embarrassment.
'There's nobody here except me,' Ebon comforted her, 'And this tree of course.' He smiled and tapped the palm with his . . . palm.
'Hey! That'll be funny!' Ebon put his face right up close to the tree. 'Watch this, Gantau!'
'Facepalm!' he screamed, thumping his forehead against the tree trunk. 'Facepalmfacepalmfacepalm! Heeheeheehee!'
'Heehee! That looks cool!' Gantua said. She too began to hit her head against the palm tree. 'Heeheeheehe-'
Thwump!
An oversized coconut, about 60 cm in diametre, fell and hit Gantua in the centre of her scalp.
'Ooooooo!' said she, before collapsing.
'Gabinta! squealed Ebon, 'Gabby, come here! Your mother's just fainted!'
After what seemed (to Ebon) like hours, Gabinta walked out a nearby cave, a sulky expression on her face. Her big bottom lip was hanging out.
'Yeah, Dada?' she said. 'Sorry, I was a bit busy. Feeding Wafa his daily bugs.' Gabinta pointed to the sphere-shaped monkey who was rolling out of the cave just behind her.
'Bugs too big for his belly. He he he,' Gabinta said. 'So-oo, what's the trouble, Daddy'o?' Gabinta gazed lazily at her stunned mother (who, by the way, had a huge lump forming on her head). Actually, Gabinta knew what the trouble was, but she just liked asking; plus it wasted peoples' time.
'You can see very well what's happened!' whined Ebon, nibbling his claws to stumps. 'Your poor mother has gone and knocked herself out.' He snatched up roly-poly Wafa, and hugged the little monkey to comfort himself.
'Gee, that sounds bad,' said Gabinta, eating a rare species of bug. She rubbed Gantua's throbbing lump and sighed; then turning, she walked off.
'Waaaaaaaaa!!' panicked Ebon, shaking Wafa about like a ragdoll. 'Wafa, do something!' Ebon shoved the monkey into Gantua's face. 'Work! Work!'
Wafa's brains were jingling and jangling. He quickly whipped out his doctor case, threw on a white coat . . . then placed a Calming Gadget on Ebon's head, which was to soothe the lion's nerves.
'Eh?! - Aaahhh!' sighed Ebon dozily. He slumped to the ground and fluttered his eyelids. 'Oh, I'm seeing flowers! Flowers and butterflies!'
Wafa pressed a button on the gadget which made a picture of snowflakes and dreamlands appear infront of Ebon's eyes.
Gantua woke up, rubbing her now-enormous bump.
'Oo - err,' she said. Then she saw Wafa messing about with Ebon's brain.
'What the jeepers-creepers are you doing, Wafa!' cried Gantua in panic.
'Snowflax and dweemlandie,' drawled Ebon, and rested his chin upon crossed paws. 'Tum wiff me to de land ovv pwitty fings, Gantua, my sweet.'
' 'Scuse me? Ebonny, dear, are you okay?' Gantua asked her husband. 'Is your peanut working alright?' She turned to Wafa. 'Is it?'
Wafa shrugged.
'WAAAAH! My Ebonny has gone cra-a-a-z-z-z-y! And a loony monkey professor made him like that,' cried Gantua, dashing in circles, wailing her head off.
'Heehee! Yes! Yes! Let's dance!' giggled Ebon. He skipped around Wafa several times, before prancing over to his mate and catching her front paws in his. 'Let's dance, Ganny! Dance, dance, dance!'
'Ooo, dear, you really did wazz him up, Wafa,' said Gantua.
Wafa took out his bongo drums and they three danced to the music.
'Hey, Moonchild,' gushed Ebon, placing a flower wreath around Wafa's neck. 'Hey, Flower Princess,' he murmured, hugging Gantua. 'Let's dance, Children of the Nature Groove!'
Wafa thought about putting the Calming Gadget back on Ebon, but instead the monkey cried: 'Br-r-r-r-u-m-b-a!
Gabinta wandered out of her cave; she took one look at Ebon, Gantua and Wafa, then crawled back into the cave, where she fainted from shock.
Ebon grabbed Wafa. 'Now let's do the Waltz.'
Wafa waltzed with Ebon until his little legs felt like dropping off.
'Ballet!' cried Ebon, throwing the exhausted Wafa up and away, over his shoulder, and he snapped his fingers.
'Gantua! Get into this tu-tu... ' Ebon produced a dress, made from pink-dyed palm leaves and hemmed with lace, 'And let's ballet!'
Then Ebon looked thoughtful. 'Um...do I have to wear tights like a Ballerino . . . you know, the men ballet dancers?'
'Yeah, Ebi,' said Gantua, throwing a pair of stripy tights to Ebon. 'Let's go crazy!' She whipped on the tu-tu and groaned. 'Ooo-er, it's hard being crazy.' But she just shrugged and twirled.
(TWUMP! Wafa landed.)
Ebon yanked on the tights. 'Hey! There's no hole for my tail!' he protested, but then added, 'Never mind. Maybe they'll stay up without my tail to hold them.'
'With luck!" Gantua said. She leapt high into the air. 'We-eeeeee!'
'Weeeeeheeheehee!' cheered Ebon. He also jumped up in the air. 'Bother!' he groaned suddenly, 'My tights have - ! No, phew! False alarm!' He landed slowly.
Gantua sailed down after her leap, landing on Ebon's back and flattening him. 'Ooof!' she said.
Wafa drifted down from the sky, wearing a bright blue tu-tu with a frilly hem and settled, with a dainty flourish, on Gantua's head.
'Yush, yush, Wafa,' Ebon grunted. 'You may look very pretty but Ganny does not with you sitting on her head, and I most certainly do not!'
For as you know Ebon was lying flat on the ground with Gantua and Wafa on top of him. But he gave an almighty heave and threw them both off.
'Eeehehehehe!' Ebon cackled, as he raced off towards the Palm Tree. 'I'm a moonchoild monkee!' He clawed his way up the palm trunk.
'Nooo-oooo!' Gantua said, racing to the tree. She grabbed hold of the trunk and shook it, hoping that Ebon would slide off.
'Eyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!' mumbled Ebon, as he was shaken. But depsite Gantua's efforts, he reached the top of Palm Tree and did a monkey howl.
'I am the child of the monkeys!' he sang, in a wailing voice. 'I am the son of the moon, I am the offspring of that cheese in the sky, and whoever hurts me, meets doom!'
'Oh, come on,' Gantua snorted. She dashed up the tree, and was about to step on Ebon's paw to see if she really would ''meet her doom'', when
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