It's Too Heavenly Here

CHARLIE:
It’s too heavenly here
It’s too peaceful and paradise like
Straight and narrow and much too nice like
Endlessly sunny and clear
It’s too heavenly here

It’s too blissful to bear
Calm and quiet and much too mellow
All my brain cells have turned to jello
Everyday feels like a year
It’s too heavenly here

I need some action, I need some juice
That crazy kind of feeling of playing fast and loose
Some razzle-dazzle and a little stress and strife
I gotta get some life in my life

But it’s too heavenly here
There’s no way you can be a sinner
Roll the dice, everyone’s a winner!
It’s so legit and sincere
It’s too heavenly here

What good’s a hustler without a scam?
I’m wasted talent that’s all that I am
But this operator is at the wrong address
Cause there’s nothing to finagle
And no one to finesse

ANGELS:
It’s so heavenly here
Pure and perfect, sublime and shining
Every cloud has a silver lining
Everyone’s full of good cheer
It’s so heavenly here

CHARLIE:
They’re all so saintly!
I just can’t relate
There’s gotta be an exit through that pearly gate
Behold a canine who’s been cut down in his prime
I may have done the crime
But I can’t do the time

'Cause it’s too heavenly here
All hallelujahs and hosannas
It could drive anyone bananas
I’m going out of my head
This joint is deader than dead
I’ll give you eight to three
It’s too heavenly

ANGELS:
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

CHARLIE:
Too heavenly here!

My Afghan Hairless

We met in a kennel down in ol’ San Antone
Wasn’t lookin’ for love but fate throwed me a bone
She walked into my life like the princess she was
And she didn’t have even a half inch of fuzz
My pals call me crazy, but I couldn’t care less
'Cause I’ve fallen hard for an Afghan hairless

On that lonely night cupid entered my life
Driving a dogcatcher’s buggy a-carryin’ my wife
I loved how her skin glistened in the moonlight
And she loved my singin’ said it sounded just...pretty good

My pals call me crazy but I couldn’t care less
'Cause I’ve fallen hard for my Afghan hairless

We’ve endured nasty looks and remarks, quite bitter
But that didn’t keep us from having a litter
Ain’t the length of yer coat ner if yer pedigreed
In the final round-up, true love’s all you need

My pals called me crazy but I couldn’t care less
'Cause I found true love with my Afghan hairless

  Count Me Out

If you've got romance on your mind
If you'd like to stroll hand in hand
If you want to cuddle in the moonlight
And whisper, "ain’t love grand"
If you want someone to buy that sweet talk
That you guys all love to spout
Baby, count me out

If you want to dance cheek to cheek
Then go home and talk all night long
If you want to send somebody flowers
And share a stupid song
If you want a woman who believes that
You’re what her life’s all about
Baby, count me out

I’ve been there
I’ve done that
It’s nowhere
It’s old hat
Forget those thoughts you’re thinking, mister
And just regard me as your sister

If you want to send valentines
If you want to write poetry
Here’s a little change; go call somebody
Who doesn’t look like me
And if you’ve got plans to fall in love
Without a shadow of a doubt
Baby, count me out
That's what I said
I said baby, count me out
Hound dog

It Feels So Good To Be Bad

Now I know you’ve been malicious
Spiteful and a trifle vicious
It’s no secret that you cheated and you’ve lied
And you’ve done some double dealing
Scheming, swindling, and stealing
You’re an amateur, but heaven knows, you’ve tried

You’ll develop so much faster
Now you’re working with a master
Who will help you cultivate your darker side
You’ll discover wicked ways you’ve never known before
And you’ll find that when you’re really rotten to the core

It feels so good to be bad
So delicious to be a despicable cad
It’s just so thrilling and so fulfilling
To give somebody the worst time they’ve ever had
It feels so good to be bad

Charlie doesn’t know it, but he’s in my power!
He’s gonna wish that he was never born!
I promise you that by the sunset hour
I’ll have Gabriel’s Horn!

'Cause you had your chance and you blew it
I entrusted you to do it
But you bungled it and threw your chance away
It’s a problem you created
If the horn can’t be located
I’m not naming names, but someone has to pay!

Though you gave me cause to doubt you
There’s a loathsomeness about you
That attracts me to you as a protégé
And when you’ve learned every creepy crummy thing I know
You’ll taste the joy that comes when you’re the lowest of the low

It feels so good to be bad
So delightful to be a deplorable cad
It’s so appealing to have the feeling
That what you’re doing gets trouble brewing
And drives everybody mad

You’ve got my guarantee
It feels so good to be bad

So good to be bad!

On Easy Street

CHARLIE:
Outta his way, he’s coming through
The kid’s makin' his show biz debut
You’ll be amazed, amused, enthused and bowled over

DAVID:
I got the moves, I got the tricks
Been practicing since I was six

CHARLIE:
His dues are paid, he's got it made

CHARLIE & DAVID:
Soon we’ll be in Clover
Easy Street
Where the sun’s always shinin'
Not a cloud in the sky

DAVID:
Clear and sunny

CHARLIE:
Milk and honey

CHARLIE & DAVID:
Life is sweet on Easy Street

DAVID:
When you’re a big celebrity
Fans are like a family
Abracadabra, poof! I’ll be a sensation!

CHARLIE:
And I’ll be there through thick and thin
Watchin’ the dough come rollin’ in

DAVID:
A couple of shows and then we’ll close

CHARLIE & DAVID:
And take our vacation
On Easy Street
Where the sun’s always shining
Not a cloud in the sky

DAVID:
Good time livin’

CHARLIE:
It’s a given

CHARLIE & DAVID:
We’ll all meet
On Easy Street
Where we’ll be together
Best friends 'til the end

DAVID:
I’ll be applauded and admired

CHARLIE:
There’s easy pickin’s

ITCHY:
And boneless chickens!

CHARLIE & DAVID:
Wishing is all that’s required
On Easy Street
Where the sun’s always shinin'
Not a cloud in the sky

DAVID:
Clear and sunny

CHARLIE:
Milk and honey

DAVID:
Good time livin’!

CHARLIE:
It’s a given

DAVID:
East Street...
Where the sun’s always shinin'
Not a cloud in the sky
No goodbyes there...

CHARLIE:
No one cries there

DAVID:
You can’t beat
Life on Easy Street

I Will Always Be With You

I will always be with you
Makes no difference where your road takes you to
Even if we’re apart
Now we’re joined at the heart
Though our moment may be gone
You and I will still live on

I will always be with you
I’ll be by your side whatever you do
Other memories may fade
But the ones that we made
Are eternal as a star
Now I’m part of who you are

And I’ll be there with you in the sound of your laughter
I’ll be in the tears you cry
'Cause the way you and I have touched one another
Doesn’t end with goodbye

I will always be with you
Like a guardian angel constant and true
When you’re lost in the night
(Lost in the night)
And you can’t see the light
(Can't see the light)
My love will see you through
I will always be there
You’ll have me there
I will always be with you