Animation Source Forums

Welcome this is what I think hapend after the we are one song (Ps in my version kiara has blue eyes)
plot kiara just woke up and kopa walks up to her and teases her
chars
Kiara takuna115
Kopa takuna115
Tamali glameow
Kovu takuna115
Vitani takuna115
Midnight takuna115
Nuka
Essence Brokenclass
nala takuna115
Simba takuna115
toffee kalayhelioncub
blondie kalathelioncub
belle glameow
kino kalayhelioncub
Zira takuna115
Elesa glameow
If you want your char to join just post
Char bio form
Name
Family
likes
Dislikes
History
Ill start of
Kiara your a loser kopa said evilly
Kopa you're my brother why would you say that?kiara asked crying
Because I will be king and you will be exiled Kopa said laghing
I will just leave now Kiara said crying.

Can I join? I will be tamali
Hey nice job loser! Bullying your own kind!

Kiara crying and hurt said nobody likes me I'm just a loser now.

There are quite a lot of things that need to be fixed on this role-play. First off, it needs some sort of written out plot and a bio form for members wanting to join to fill out. You shouldn't start off a roleplay without a plot and characters and other members. For a better look at how to set up a roleplay, look at these role-plays: [/board/lion-king-iii-zira-s-revenge-t32392.html]Lion King III: Zira's Revenge[/url], One Last Time, and The Lost Weekend.

Secondly, this type of style for role-playing is not only filled with grammar mistakes but it is also very confusing. Posts should be written in paragraph form, in the past tense, and in third person. For example:

'"Kiara, you are a loser!" Kopa said, laughing cruelly.

"I hate you!" Kiara shouted at him.

Kopa continued to rudely tease her. "I'll be king some day, and you will be exiled."

Frustrated and hurt, Kiara yelled back, "Fine! I'll leave now," before she stalked off.'

You need to use capitalization on the first letter of every sentence and the first letter of every name. You also need better punctuation as well as using quotes around speech. Actions need to be written out and you should never use *'s to show what a character is doing.

Lastly, one-line posts are against the RP Rules. For tips on how to improve your posts and role-playing in general, check out these two guides to role-playing: Official Roleplay Guide of Animation Source and Rose's Roleplaying Guide. In general, being descriptive can usually clear up the short post problem easily.

~ Black Rose

A young called named elesa walked up to Kiara and said " I like you cubby!" Then she wiped kiaras tears. Tamali smirked and looked at kopa and fluttered her eyelashes

Thank you, glameow! That is a lot better. Still not perfect, but that's okay! Writing becomes a lot easier with time and practice. Just remember to read over your post before submitting it. A lot of small errors and typos can be easily cleaned up that way, and it makes the story flow a lot better because there is less confusion.

Kopa I like you. tamali said with love
I like you. to Kopa said shyly

Okay black rose thanks

Tamali looked at Kopa. " Whoa! Wait! Why am I trying to flirt with you?" She asked him ,disgusted at herself.

Takuna - That's a little better, but remember to only control your own character. Power-playing (controlling character's that are not your own) is against the rules. Kiara and Kopa are your characters and the only ones that you can make do something. For example, you can make Kopa say something to Tamali, but only glameow can make Tamali say something to Kove.

Also, because I noticed this in both posts, quotation marks are used at the beginning and end of what is being said. IE "I like you." When you are writing about a character saying something, use a comma. IE Kopa said, "I like you." or "I like you," said Kopa. Lastly, keep the punctuation inside the quotes as well.

glameow - It's no problem. I'm always happy to help fellow writers!

Oh yeah sorry tam Kopa said shyly
hi what is your name Kiara asked the young cub
thanks rose

It's.. Elesa!" She said shyly. Tamali grinned. " what a fool. Stupid design and stupid name!" She said pointing and laughing at poor old elesa.

Tam stay out of it Kiara said with disgust

No thanks dear!" She smiled staring at kopa and nudging him. " to say I hate pride landers you aren't so bad!" She winced

Come on Elesa lets go Kiara said slightly irateted

Goodbye darlin!" She said sarcastically. Elesa replied " at least I'm not red!" She said harshly hoping that the evil lion would back off. She didn't. In fact Tamali ran up and was ready to attack the little cub. Instead she sighed. " stay outta our way. Kay kid?" She said. Elesa looked at the lion. " yeah sure I will"