Animation Source Forums

To everyone who enjoys a good laugh, put your funny stuff right here. The rules are simple and straightforward:
*G-rated humor only, please. No sex, no swears, no drugs, and no excessive gore.
*No repeating jokes over and over again (or slightly modified versions). Once is funny, twice is lame.
*No poking fun at other people. We laugh with people, not at them. Or else.
*No put-downs, period.
*I didn't think this would become neccessary, but apparently it did: Please curb the religious jokes here. I personally feel that the religious content rules are sometimes overdone, but for the sake of keeping this topic within the rules I'm going to say to follow them. If it's a joke based on something honored by multiple religions (say, David and Goliath), please do not put anyone down.
*Another rule which I had hoped would need no reiterarion: No deviant sexual remarks! Rule 17 IS in effect here, same as anywhere else on the forums.
*Have fun!

I'll start off with this temperature chart someone made up about my college (known as WOLBI) comparing it to other colleges, etc. For the record, I am not sure if this is Celcius or Farenheit.
60 degrees or above:
Students at Liberty University think about turning up the heat.
WOLBI's ground crew plants some flowers.

50 degrees:
Students at Master's College begin to shiver uncontrollably.
WOLBI students sunbathe (in the designated areas, of course).

40 degrees:
Italian cars won't start.
WOLBI students drive with their windows down.

32 degrees:
Distilled water freezes.
Schroon Lake's water gets thicker (even our lake is wacky).

20 degrees:
Students at WOLBI Florida wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Students at WOLBI New York have the last cookout of the year before it gets really cold.

0 degrees:
Students at Pensacola College cease to exist.
WOLBI students have "required Fun Day."

20 below:
Florida students transfer to Brazil.
NY students have the "Turkey Bowl."

50 below:
Polar bears go into hibernation.
WOLBI professors get frustrated when the computer won't warm up.

279 below:
Microbial life survives only on dairy products.
WOLBI students complain that the ice cream in the dining hall is too hard.

500 below
All atomic motion stops.
WOLBI girls get to wear pants to class (instead of skirts).

A word to potential students: Do not take these literally.

I've got a tickle. It's more of a joke, but "comedy" nonetheless.

"A man driving a large truck stopped at a red light. Looking out his side mirror at the car next to him, he noticed a young blonde girl jump out of her car. She ran up to his door and rapped on the window. The man rolled it down, asking politely "Yes, miss?"

"Sir!" she panted. "My name is Elizabeth. You're losing your load!"

Thinking it was a practical joke, the man rolled his eyes. As the light turned green, he rolled his window up, and drove away. Stunned, the female watched for a second and then jumped into her car, following him.

At the next red light, the same thing. "Sir, my name is Elizabeth. You're losing your load!"

Again, the man just rolled up his window and went on his way. At a third red light, he stopped. Predictably, the woman was there. She slammed her hand on the window as hard as she could without breaking it to get his attention.

"Sir, my name is Elizabeth -- and you're losing your load!"

Finally having enough, the man stepped out of his truck and said: "Miss, my name is Calvin. This is Wisconsin and I drive the salt truck.""

NO OFFENSE TO ANY BLONDES; IT'S ONLY A JOKE. ;]

LMAO KIRADA XDD
I'm blond, but I find blond jokes funny as heck xD

Here are some of MY blond jokes:
A man watched a blond walk down the street carrying a healthy pig.
The man walked over to the two and asked the blond,
"Where'd you get that?"
The blond blinked and the pig replied,
" I won her at a raffle. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love this one:
Two blonds are working on a house. One of them is pounding in some nails, and throwing others over her shoulder.
The other blond asks,
" Why are you doing that?"
The first blond replied,
" They're facing the wrong way!"
The second blond rolled her eyes,
" Those are for the OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE!"
XDDDDDD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

"How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.

"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
Blond Jokes

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just did this for five minutes xD:
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

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Here's just a funny quote from my BFF xD :
" I'm not offended by blond jokes. I mean, ANYBODY could of thought instead of putting on two coats of nail polish for best results could mean putting on two actual coats!"
XDDD
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I see this is catching on.

My fav. blonde joke:

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant

XD

Most of my other jokes are rude...so that's all I'll post XD

When ancient man yelled and beat the ground with sticks, we called it witch craft........modern man, calls it golf.

OK, interesting... lol.

Here's one. Seeing that Chance already used the lorry-driver-pulls-blonde-driver-over-and-destroys-her-car joke, I'll have to use this. I have a frog joke, but it's not suitable for this. Here it is:

A brunette, a blonde and Santa jump off a cliff, who lands first?

(insert name here)?

The brunette because Santa doesn't exist and the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

This one came from a comedian I like to listen to on the radio.
"The whole human race is just... strange. I walked by a jewelry store just yesterday. They had a sign in the window that said 'EARS PIERCED WHILE YOU WAIT.' How else are you going to do it?" *pantomimes taking off his ear and putting it on a counter* "I'll be back in a half-hour. Just stick a hole in 'em, I can't wait. Underneath that it said on Thursdays we peirce 'em half off. Those people are not touching my ears!"

I rate this thread... bemusing. Which is good.
However, I must warn you...


Forced comedy is obviously unfunny and the poster will be promptly laughed at.

Basically no lame, cheesy or guessable jokes, please.

As for me, I have only one quote.

OK, Here are some anagrams I came across (for those who don't know, an anagram is when you rearrange the letters in a word or phrase to get a different word or phrase. Examples:
Dormitory = Dirty room
Slot Machines = Cash lost in 'em
Elvis = Lives
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
More on the way, I don't remember all the ones I had at the moment.

A man was driving along in his car when he a farmer standing in the middle of his field, doing nothing. The man pulled over and went up to the farmer.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm trying to win the Nobel Prize," the farmer replied.
"But you're just standing there, not doing anything," the man said. "How does that make you win the Nobel Prize?"
"Because," the farmer replied. "To win the Nobel Prize, you have to be 'Out Standing In Your Field."

Well, I've never much been for jokes and stuff like that, but I love comedians. Particularly Jeff Duhnam. So I'll just link some of my favorite vids. :]

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Melvin the Superhero

Jingle Bombs

There are other vids that I'd love to put up from different things, but it'd be "bad" for kids. >.> Oh well. XD.