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Dragon Tamer
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:53 am |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:35 pm Posts: 3382
Gender: Male
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Conay wrote: Dragon Tamer wrote: I have one.
After thousands and thousands of years, the human race decided they didn't need God. So they chose their brightest scientist to tell Him they weren't going to listen to Him anymore. "It's nothing personal," the man said. "It's just that we've cured diseases, solved the mysteries of the universe, we can clone people... basically, we don't need you for anything now." God nodded at this and said, "Well, I'll tell you what. Let's each make a man from dirt. Whoever does the best job wins." "Okay." The scientist scooped up some dirt. "No no," God told him, "Get your own dirt." Umm... Yeah... Not everyone will get this, and some will probably get ticked. But I had to tell it anyway. And for those who do get it, it's hard to argue with.
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:49 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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In the Bible, it rained for 40 days. They called it a disaster. In England, we call it 'Summer.'
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Ever The Dreamer
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:22 am |
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Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:19 pm Posts: 780 Location: Living in this world infected
Gender: Male
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I thought of a way to make fireworks appeal to teenage girls: vampire-shaped sparklers. *badum-tssh*
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Rainbows don't dash, apples don't jack, and twilight doesn't sparkle. We need to destroy the helements of armory. I don't like MLP. Deal with it.
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:53 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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I wonder if we've named all the streets around the Olympic Village yet. How about Port Stanley Way, Falkland Road, Woodward Avenue, Invincible Crescent, Hermes Street and best of all, let's call the road leading to the main Olympic Stadium Conqueror Avenue.
How about we name the accommodation: Goose Green, Mount Tumbledown, Plymouth House, and for the athletes for one particular nation, Menendez Retreat?
Oh, and don't forget the toilets! They HAVE to be Galtieri Urinals and the Kirchner Bidet Suite.
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Wolf_Bassist
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:34 am |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:19 am Posts: 3111 Location: Detroit Rock City - They don't call it that for nothing!!
Gender: Male
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Conay wrote: I wonder if we've named all the streets around the Olympic Village yet. How about Port Stanley Way, Falkland Road, Woodward Avenue, Invincible Crescent, Hermes Street and best of all, let's call the road leading to the main Olympic Stadium Conqueror Avenue.
How about we name the accommodation: Goose Green, Mount Tumbledown, Plymouth House, and for the athletes for one particular nation, Menendez Retreat?
Oh, and don't forget the toilets! They HAVE to be Galtieri Urinals and the Kirchner Bidet Suite. We have a Woodward Avenue here in Detroit.
_________________

(c) Bastet
co-op (c) Löwin Vampire & warriorcat Avatar by Me, with assistance from Solaris
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Skulblaka_Shur'tugal
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 3:56 pm |
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Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 1:25 am Posts: 1030 Location: Out of This World
Gender: Male
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I heard that China has a billion people. A billion people--which means, if you're one-in-a-million, there's still 1000 other people EXACTLY like you!
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Dragon Dimension
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 8:53 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Ever The Dreamer
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:51 am |
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Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:19 pm Posts: 780 Location: Living in this world infected
Gender: Male
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^ *facepalm*
Wanna hear a Canadian swear word?
Justin Bieber
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Rainbows don't dash, apples don't jack, and twilight doesn't sparkle. We need to destroy the helements of armory. I don't like MLP. Deal with it.
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:35 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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^ *Face-desk*  Q and A on Pregnancy Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him). Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two. Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Dragon Tamer
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 3:12 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:35 pm Posts: 3382
Gender: Male
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Conay wrote: ^ *Face-desk*  Q and A on Pregnancy Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him). Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two. Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. I'm tempted to show this to the manager at the camp where I work; his wife is expecting. For those who found this post funny, read this too. /adgth/en ... 53217.html
_________________


 Sig and userbars created by Bastet  Body piercing saved my life my-book-t30672.html Click here
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:04 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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Dragon Tamer wrote: I'm tempted to show this to the manager at the camp where I work; his wife is expecting. For those who found this post funny, read this too. /adgth/en ... 53217.htmlHaha, I showed a shorter version to a pregnant teacher, she absolutely loved it.
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Dragon Tamer
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:27 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:35 pm Posts: 3382
Gender: Male
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Conay wrote: Dragon Tamer wrote: I'm tempted to show this to the manager at the camp where I work; his wife is expecting. For those who found this post funny, read this too. /adgth/en ... 53217.htmlHaha, I showed a shorter version to a pregnant teacher, she absolutely loved it. Of the list or the fanfic?
_________________


 Sig and userbars created by Bastet  Body piercing saved my life my-book-t30672.html Click here
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:30 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:39 pm Posts: 5730 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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Dragon Tamer wrote: Conay wrote: Dragon Tamer wrote: I'm tempted to show this to the manager at the camp where I work; his wife is expecting. For those who found this post funny, read this too. /adgth/en ... 53217.htmlHaha, I showed a shorter version to a pregnant teacher, she absolutely loved it. Of the list or the fanfic? Oh, the list. It was just after I first discovered it.
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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